Wanna know what kind of woman my mother was?

Growing up, we weren’t rich at all and there were times when we simply didn’t have any money for anything beyond the basics. When I was in the 5th grade, my grandmother passed away and since I lived with her, I had to stay with my mother. I already had a room in her apartment so I moved all of my things into it. That summer, I still hadn’t made a lot of friends and was getting pretty sick and tired of staying in the apartment all the time. The cabin fever was thick and i begged her to go to the movies, or go somewhere. She felt bad because we simply didn’t have any money to spend on going anywhere.

She wouldn’t be deterred though. She and I corralled every bit of change we could find in the apartment as if it were a treasure hunt. Together, we managed to get a little under 3.00. We both searched the Goings On section of the newspaper for ideas and she saw a coupon for 3 strings of bowling + shoe rental for $2.65. Off we went.

I remember bowling my little heart out. We didn’t have enough for her to bowl with me, but she was quite happy to sit there and cheer me on. I wasn’t a very good bowler, never had been, and since this was my first time, there were a lot of gutter balls. She marked each one with a sad face.

I remember her carrying that score card in her purse for a short time later and would show it off to people as if I was the greatest bowler in the world.

Yeah, I teared up a bit writing it.

“I am not led; I lead”

This quote is something that has come to define me in the past year.   In order to understand the present, I should expound on my past.

I grew up as the son of a single mother in Gloucester, MA, where I was always referred to as being smart, but I just didn’t “apply myself”. I never had an idea of what I wanted to do after high school, and the only talent I had was art. This wasn’t really my calling, and I had to forsake it and try to find my niche in the world. I worked in hotels and then found a home in the computer field, where I have worked for the last 10 years. A couple of years ago, I realized that this would need to change as I was becoming continually complacent and realized that I have spent most of my adult life making other people rich and comfortable, and being the sprocket in their american dream machine.

This needed to change.

In 2007, I fulfilled a life long dream of going through the EMS academy and earning my EMT certification. I did this, not because I want to be an EMT, but because I always had a goal of having training as a paramedic, and being able to know that I can help those around me if need be. After the academy, I set my eye on getting into the nursing program, which is what my goal was up until July of this year.

As I said, I’m the son of a single mother.  She was date raped at the age of 19 and gave birth to me at the age of 20, and never was able to go to college a she had dreamed.  She never used this as an excuse for her station in life, and over the past 10 years, as her health declined, I never once heard her lament the course it had taken. She was truly my friend, and champion.

August 8^th, of this year, my mother passed away. She was hospitalized with MRSA, Staph, and pneaumonia. It was during late night research sessions and frantic phone calls to her doctor that made me realize that I do not have the mindset to be a nurse. I need to be more of an active participant in changing the lives of those around me, and am not comfortable with simply being a provider.  When I had to make the call, while en route to Boston, to have her taken off of the life support, I swore silently to her that the next half of my life would be devoted to providing strength to the weak, a voice to the silent, and empowering those around me.

“I am not led; I lead”

I have changed my major to Chemistry and undertaken an arduous goal of getting into medical school. I always did like to bite off more than I could chew, knowing that anything can be consumed, one bite at a time.  I will make the decision in the next couple of years of whether or not to continue on my goal of medical school, or become a science/chemistry teacher.  Either way, I want to give back to this world. I want to be someone’s champion. I want to make sure that my mother’s sacrifice was not in vain.

I find it ironic that I find myself applying for this scholarship because back in August, I setup a memorial scholarship in my mother’s name. This would be awarded to a student of a single parent, who, “wants to change the world”.

Honestly, I never applied for a scholarship because I always thought that there were others more worthy/needy than I am. It would help me immensely because I’m paying for all of my classes and incidentals with student loans, and since I had to spend what little bit of savings I had burying my mother, anything would be of great assistance. Just for being considered, I thank you very much.